While we all love festive fun, we also know how fraught Christmas around the dinner table can be; From petty squabbles to deep unresolved wounds.

In either case, when it comes to fully letting go, forgiveness plays a key role. Particularly as blame really does equal pain, unless of course you’re an injury lawyer! However, whatever your situation, applying the following steps can resolve it all so you can give yourself the greatest gift of moving forward this New Year to enjoy life in abundance.

7 Pivotal Steps; How to forgive

1. “Fully” Understand the Situation & Other Party Involved

Do you know ALL the circumstances? Question what might have happened or is happening to cause them to do as they did or behave in a certain way toward you? Can you really step into their shoes for a moment and ask how you’d respond?

Sometimes you need to play the therapist in order to step back and distance yourself from the heat of the situation in order to take off the emotional charge; allowing you to fully understand and help others. Essentially if you were an objective by stander observing the situation, how would you be thinking? Does the other person need help and support rather than resentment, contempt and conflict? Or Do they perhaps need to understand themselves before they will ever meet your needs? Do they need to personally evolve before aligning with your level of thinking?

2. Distinguish Intention from Behaviour

Rather than focusing on whatever has been said or whatever behaviour has been displayed (although this doesn’t necessarily make it right!), focus on the positive intention behind it.
For example, there’s always a reason for everything, you just have to become aware of it in order to understand it.

Often people say or do things to protect themselves or others. Sometimes they are affected by the very same thing that has affected you (from issues of projection to abuse multiple transference – essentially transferring their issues onto you because they don’t know how else to deal with them, other than act them out as their release). Always find out their core intention.

3. Choose to Forgive For Your Own Protection

Any conflict seriously manifests negative emotion, induces destructive behavioural patters and simply blocks positive energy; So do it for you!

Value yourself and know you deserve better. In not forgiving you are just letting the other person triumph in further limiting your life.

There’s no greater self-satisfaction than feeling the liberation and empowerment to say “whatever” – “I understand and I forgive you”.

Sometimes it’s just necessary to accept that the other person is probably unable to even understand or forgive themselves or articulate the desired response you’d prefer.

Moreover, you may even need to point this out to them, addressing it in a letter for example so it can be fully digested. They can then choose to accept or reject this, but in any case it has given you the chance to externalise and get everything out, protecting you from manifesting it all.

4. Take Control & Totally Own It!

It can help to look at your personal responsibility in any situation. Could you have responded differently? Could you have changed the situation?
What can you learn from the situation? What new, powerful, unique, or useful resources or knowledge have you acquired as a consequence?
Focus on what you CAN DO and what you DO WANT. Being consumed in the problem will only attract more of it!

No matter how minor or major your hurt is and the specific content involved, the point at which you can actually show gratitude and be thankful for the experience needing forgiveness; Is the magical moment you will physically feel you’ve let it go!

5. Metaphysics and Humour

There are really only two emotion’s in the world – Love and Fear.
Everything else is just a derivative of either. For example, negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, sadness, guilt etc. are ultimately born from a fear of something if you dig deep enough. So, it can be helpful to deduce the reasoning behind your conflict in this way – What’s it really all about and can you align here? … What is it you or the other party may be ultimately fearing? What has to happen to resolve this fear? What is the converse of the fear?

Alternatively. you can flip the conflict and chose to be on the side of love by creating a humorous take on the situation. This can dissolve certain issues, bring parties together and allow for forgiveness because the positive derivative of love will always powerfully outweigh the negatives, if you allow for this by flipping the fear cycle.

6. Reallocate the Energy Spent on Conflict

Avoid giving the conflict your energy. This is majorly draining and will only leave you feeling more frustrated, fatigued and resentful – Not allowing for forgiveness.
Rather reallocate your energy by doing the things that make you feel joyful, abundant and amazing.

Surround yourself by similar people and let this positive vibrant energy over power, superseding everything to create an exhilarating zest for life! If you are happy. Truly fulfilled and feel loved in yourself, any conflicts will prove superfluous in your life; making it easy to forgive. Remember whatever chain of events have occurred in life, they ALL contribute to formulating “you” and “your choices” that have ultimately led to the wonderful life “you’ve created”.

Plus, you’ll always attract more of wherever you place your wholehearted energy and attention.

7. Embrace Your Wisdom and Kindness In Forgiveness

It’s an old cliché to “be the bigger person” but it’s bang-on true!
Embrace and acknowledge the great, dignified person you are in having the level of thinking to enable forgiveness; It’s never an easy task and takes a strong positive mindset to get to this point.
However, when you can apply all the points above and look back to see only “An Experience” without the attached negative emotion; Is the point any such experience merely becomes “Wisdom”, as well as forgiveness depicting the special attribute of “Inner Strength and kindness”.

On that note, Happy Festive Holidays and Phenomenal New Year of Immense Positive Change!