There are so many reasons as to why we can all experience a lack of confidence from time to time, be this from having a new baby, serious illness, a traumatic past event, financial challenges, or relationship break up’s to unemployment bouts, and bullying. However, whatever the reason a lack of confidence can prove so limiting as to the life we lead and the things we could otherwise achieve.
When we speak of confidence we’re not just talking about looking confident or being the loudest, most extroverted person in the room; because actually that kind of character isn’t necessarily that confident at all – it can often be a front.
Although we do want to look confident and project this to the outside world, it all starts from internal confidence, our deep rooted belief system.
If we’re then confident on the inside the rest will follow, providing us with the unstoppable ability to make real decisions and choices that we’d ultimately prefer; choices that are completely free of limitation and allow us to really go full throttle for everything we want!
So here are Ten practical tips in how to help achieve this, stating from NOW…
What we believe, we become!
On that note it’s important to begin questioning any limiting feelings you have about yourself and begin to focus on all the attributes YOU DO have and CAN OFFER, along with the things YOU DO enjoy; especially in light of any circumstances that may have knocked your confidence in the first place.
Everything (no matter how good or bad it may seem at the time) happens for a reason, usually to give us a realisation or lesson about something, so make sure you focus on the new skills and resources you have learnt from past events. If it helps, make a list of all the great attributes about yourself and the unique skills you have… seeing these in black and white or even reading them aloud or getting someone else to read them to you (or even get a person you trust to write down the attributes they think you have) – can really help you to realise and believe this, because after all, what you believe, you actualise and become.
Focus on what you deem to be confident (in a positive way) and the type of people who are positively confident (NOT putting on a front!) rather than what you feel you are not.
Whatever you give your focus, energy and attention to, you attract more of back to you (the scientific law of attraction). Therefore, if you focus on not being confident and feeling vulnerable, unfortunately you will be. Instead, direct your attention to who you want to be – what would make you confident? Or focus on others you feel are genuinely confident, watch their characteristics and model (positively imitate) what they do – In a positive way pretend to be that character with the addition of your own great individualism.
Have an awareness of the root behind your lack of confidence & address this.
If you are aware of this you can make pro-active changes to make a positive difference. For instance, if you are surrounded by an individual or an organisation that results in you feeling a lack of confidence, make changes to take yourself out of the situation. Or perhaps if you uncounted bullying when you were younger, or had an aggressive/moody/overpowering/demanding teacher/parent – explore this and discuss it with a professional even to ensure you release any root cause issues that need releasing and reframing.
Our daily environment is important because who you are around, you also become because the energy rubs off as it projects onto you. Just as if you are in an isolated situation, you’ll soon feel and become isolated, potentially leading to a lack of confidence; so make small changes to reverse any such situation. This will then help to release the reason for exacerbating a lack of confidence – there’s always something you can positively do to be proactive!
If you are still struggling with the root cause behind a lack of confidence, get a good therapist to assist you in letting this go – it will change your life so much (even if a little daunting at first, you’ll be surprised how gentle, relaxed, well intentioned, and fun we are )
If you visualise something with enough detail and clarity so it is really specific – as real life as you can get it using all your five senses, the part of your mind that runs your entire body on auto pilot doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is not real. This is a huge piece of knowledge because it means that you can program into your mind exactly how you want to be.
So imagine a really confident person… this may be someone you know, a celebrity you admire, or even yourself when you were at your most confident.
Either way, get a picture of this image in your mind and ensure it is clear, bright and precise. Now imagine stepping into this picture and allow yourself to be consumed by the confidence – really feel it consume you – perhaps you may depict this as a positive warm yellow/golden glow encasing your entire body. Now see an even more confident person in front of you and step into that person, again becoming consumed in all this confidence and really absorb it. -use all your senses… sight, sound, smell, feeling, taste … make this as vivid and real as you can!
Do this process four to five times until you feel an internal shift. Then keep practising this and being that confident person.
Question yourself to deduce the situation in order to think differently and see that there’s little point in letting a lack of confidence limit you…
- What HAS to happen for you to feel more confident and let your inhibitions go?
- What would happen if you were more confident? And what would happen if you weren’t? So what is really stopping you?
- What’s really preventing you from being more confident?
- What can you do/need to do now, to change these things?
Hold a Physiology of Excellence
The mind and body are inextricably linked. If you try thinking of something really sad whilst attempting to smile, it’s near on impossible to do because our thoughts affect our feelings which ultimately affect the way we look and how we behave. On that note, all of the above should help with keeping more positive and confident thoughts, but we can also help this by the way we hold ourselves too…
Hold your head upright, smile, put your shoulders back, and take some deep breathes in through your nose and out through your mouth to positively oxygenate and energise your body.
It can also help to put yourself into a pleasant relaxed state when you do this too. This state prevents the feelings of any negative emotion. Basically, pick a spot on the wall above eye level to focus on. Whilst remaining focussed on the spot, begin to expand your vision to 180 degrees either side of you and notice what is in your peripheral vision at the same time (whilst still focussed on the spot above eye level too). Now bring your eyes back down to eye level and carry on about your business in a relaxed manner.
It can also help with confidence to dress smarter, do your hair. and pay yourself some external TLC. Sometimes the simplest changes can help to make a big difference – if you feel you look great, you will naturally feel and act more confident. Do you need to address your weight and overall health as all these are factors that can affect confidence; either way take positive actions to make sure you look and feel as good as possible!
If others have a problem, it’s often actually with them (a projection of what they feel about themselves) – so focus on yourself and being the person you want to be – reject other people’s insecurities.
For example, if a person tried to knock your confidence by laughing at what you are wearing, it’s highly likely that they themselves would not have the confidence to wear that particular item (or be able to pull it off) or that they may be envious and want to be able to wear what you are wearing, but for whatever they can’t so they ‘try’ to pull you down. Alternatively, it could be that they don’t actually have the deep inner confidence to have their own individual style – I think you can probably begin to spot the pattern here!
No one is indestructible or any better than anyone else – they are often just more experienced at something or had different opportunities in life.
If you cut us we all bleed, just as we all pee, poo, and pro-create… AND what one person can do, so can another. On that note there’s no point in ever feeling intimidated by certain people, which can often be all too easy, so be yourself and appreciate who you are. It’s an old one but it can help… Worse case imagine people without their clothes on, or the fact they get nervous too, get ill too, go to the toilet etc… you get the point – really we’re all very similar so there really is no point in regarding anyone as being particularly superior to you! We’re all just human at the end of the day.
Avoid comparing yourself to others.
Set your own standards for you. Do what’s right for you and always appreciate, enjoy, and embrace it; we’re all unique and brilliant in our own way – it’s what makes the world so interesting!
Remember a time when you were at your height of confidence and use this as a resource.
Remember that time – really see what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel the feelings of exuberating confidence… use all your senses to associate back into this memory.
Then at the height of those great feelings of confidence, clasp you thumb and index finger together. Then as the feelings begin to disappear unclasp your fingers.
Now in the future when you need a confidence boost you can snap your thumb and index finger together in the same way to trigger and stimulate those same feelings of confidence as your neurology and body connect this together.
Although there are many other things we could talk about, if you apply most of the above, you’ll experience a shift in your confidence; but also keep practicing these because if you practice something enough, you also become it!
The only person every stopping any of us, is ourselves. So you can be more confident, learn to value yourself and make those positive changes to live the life you really want and go for it at any time you choose!